My husband is an amazing man. He does many wonderful things for me, often without me even asking. And I should appreciate that. Instead, I often take him and his kindness for granted.
Take for example this past Saturday. He dug a bunch of holes and planted some bushes in our front and backyard. He cleaned off our front porch, moving all of my gardening supplies to the workbench in the backyard, where I have wanted them for a while. While I told myself over and over that I should appreciate his hard work, all I could feel was frustration. I wanted him to be doing something else. So by the end of the day, I’m giving him the silent treatment because I’m mad, but know I shouldn’t be mad. (After all, it’s not like I asked him to do what I wanted; I merely wished it in my head). I’m silent because I don’t want to complain about it; I want to get over it and be appreciative. But I can’t. Finally, after dinner I have a realization. I don’t internally process my emotions well at all. I can know what I need to do – even what I want to do – but I can’t seem to get past the emotions of it all sometimes.
Let me interject a side note here before moving on. I don’t mean to say that you should bottle up your emotions. I also don’t mean to say that you shouldn’t discuss the things that make you frustrated with your spouse. What I am saying is that sometimes, you do just need to suck it up and get over it. Pick your battles. Discuss the important issues. But you have to let some things go.
As we talked through it, I realized one tactic I can definitely use is to share my desire or expectation up front when possible. Rather than stewing all day and expecting him to read my mind (from outside, no less!), I should have just gone to him and asked. I’ll probably clear up the majority of these instances by simply communicating.
But for those other times, I’m not sure how to process my emotion and move on. Anyone got any helpful strategies?