Snakes on a Porch

Text messages you really don’t want to get while you’re in a meeting:

Husband: We have a SNAKE!!!! It lives off our front porch. M and I are going to name it Destro.

Me: Oh dear. Not cool. What did you do? What kind?

Husband: Very cool!!! Took pictures.

Me: We better not have a new pet when I get home. . .

My husband did a little online research, and it turns out this is a Juvenile Texas Rat Snake. Thankfully, not poisonous, although known to be aggressive. Let’s just hope it’s starving. . .

Photo: Icky snake off my front porch that I’m refusing to call by it’s so-called name, Destro (2007) 



  1. Snakes should not be given names or made friends with…especially when part of his name has something to do with another creature I am not fond of: Rats.

    They are crazy, awful, awful, smelly creatures with bad fangs. And they should be avoided, even if they are juvenile and (covering my heart) Texans.

    I am afraid for you! 🙂

  2. meh

    I agree with Donetta. It is better then owning a cat which you would have to feed and vaccinate and pet occasionally.

  3. Destro is an awesome name for a snake!

    Although, keeping with the GI Joe theme, perhaps Serpentor would be better?

    We had two snakes that lived under the Shed of Happiness. Then they moved to underneath the archery target. I haven’t seen them in a while, so I guess they ate all our varmints and moved on. I didn’t ever name them, now I wish I had.

  4. Don’t let the size fool you. I saw one of those little guys swallow a cow whole!

    Naw, but chances are if you saw one in plain sight, there may be several more… under the bed, in the cupboard, behind the television… You better shake your boots out before putting them on.

  5. spaghettipie

    K – I wholeheartedly agree. My husband insisted that I include the snake’s “name” and I only did it because I am a good, submissive wife. (ha!)

    D – No, not really. I’m hoping there were none to start with!

    MEH – But cats are cute, cuddly and don’t slither around and bite you. Oh, wait, maybe having a snake is practically the same thing. . .

    M – Husband is so glad that someone understands his GI Joe reference. You can have Destro, um, I mean, the snake if you want (although I didn’t see him out there today).

    RFF – There will be naming of snakes in this house. And funny name, by the way.

    C – Great, thanks a ton. How am I going to sleep tonight knowing a snake might be lurking in my pillowcase?

    N – Funny, ha ha.

  6. After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals “The Lord has said to go forth and multiply.”

    All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark.

    “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah.

    “We can’t,” answered the snakes. “We’re adders.”

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