Going Deep

I was thinking about community this weekend and some of the prerequisites for going deeper in relationships. Here are a few of my thoughts. I’m eager to know what you think.

1) You can’t go deep if you’re not willing to walk through the hard places. That might mean being vulnerable sharing your hard places (past and current). Or that might mean being willing to jump in there and walk through hard places with someone else. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable or you don’t know exactly what to say or do. The fact that you’re just there is what matters.

2) You can’t go deep unless you personally have some place deep to go. If you’re not growing as a person then you’re going to hit a bottom at some point. You must continually be learning – about your faith, about yourself, about life, about relationships, about others – in order to grow deeper with other people.

3) You can’t go deep unless you want to. A lot of us complain about hitting a certain place in our relationships and then feeling stuck, and yes, it does take two people to go deep together. But I think that we sometimes don’t push people to go deeper because we’re not sure we really want to go there. Going deep is scary: you’re vulnerable, you can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. But a new depth is also an amazing place to be. We’re created to live in – to crave – community. Ultimately most people really do want to go deeper, they just need someone else to take the lead

So pick one relationship and engage a little deeper. Be willing to ask one question that leads you a little deeper than your normal conversation. Walk in a hard place with someone. Experience another level of community and know that it will give you greater insight into the Trinity.

What has been your experience with going deeper?



  1. One last one…You can’t go deeper if you don’t have time. I’m in a strange place. As a minister, I have more then enough people who would like to have a deeper relationship. But there are only so many of those you can have on your plate.

    So every deep relationship is one that you won’t have. Choose wisely.

  2. I second RLP’s comment about the time issue. Also, I’ve found that it’s easier to go deeper if you remember to follow up. If someone has told you about something in their lives and you take the time to follow up, that person is usually more likely to trust you and allow you into more areas of his/her life because you’ve shown an interest or desire to know them.

  3. meh

    A willingness to show grace in our relationships, especially if we want to go deep, is absolutely essential.

  4. Time is key. Keeping quality and meaningful (deeper) relationship is T-I-M-E. How many people can you genuinely experience this with?
    Good to think about. Thanks!

  5. Pingback: Middle Zone Musings » What I Learned From 2008 - Tina Howard

  6. Great topic. I much prefer deep and meaningful relationships to others. Surprisingly, most of mine were made in high school, and they are relationships I will always cherish!

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